Holiday Boundaries from a Compassion-Focused Lens

Have you ever waited until the last second to force a boundary in a relationship? This often leaves us tense, the other person defensive, and both parties unsatisfied. When we build boundaries from a foundation of compassion and love, we give ourselves and the other person the opportunity to strengthen the relationship. 

Building Boundaries Out of Love

Boundaries are best built out of love for one another, especially when it comes to the holiday season. When we build boundaries out of frustration and anger, we can come off as aggressive or self-centered. When we connect to our inner peace and wisdom, we can communicate our boundaries from a place of both self- and other-focused compassion. 

Strategies for Using Compassion to Build Boundaries:

• Remind yourself that boundaries are the kindest thing you can do for both yourself and the other person.
• Practice using a gentle, but firm tone for setting boundaries.
• Tie your own values back to building boundaries. For example, “I know boundaries are a way for me to foster honesty, kindness, and emotional intelligence. These are my values, and I will stick to them.”
• If you are someone who struggles with guilt after setting boundaries, have a pre-planned self-care strategy for after setting boundaries.
• Practice a loving-kindness meditation after setting a difficult boundary. You can use a mantra such as, “I wish myself and the other person a sense of peace and a better relationship from setting this boundary.”