The holidays are a time where we are often around our loved ones more than other times of the year. Even though this gives us opportunities to reconnect, it also creates more space for family tensions and unresolved conflicts to arise.
Common Holiday Communication Challenges
Holiday communication challenges might include stress triggers such as financial pressures, travel fatigue, or unresolved family conflicts. Typical family patterns of unhealthy communication might include enmeshment, triangulation, or avoidance of direct communication. Enmeshment might be seen in an unhealthy alliance between two family members, which makes other members uncomfortable. Triangulation is when two family members bring a third member (or more) into their conflict to distract from their own anxiety.
An example scenario might be a mom who builds an unhealthy enmeshment with her child and partner. When in-laws want to spend time with their grandchild during the holidays, mom uses her unhealthy closeness with her partner to dissuade him from letting his parents visit at all. Mom triangulates her partner into taking all the phone calls from his parents so that she can avoid talking directly to them and feeling uncomfortable. In turn, the child is isolated from their grandparents and the grandparents also are cut off from communication with their son.
Applying Family Systems Concepts to Improve Communication
In the next blog post, you will find some family communication strategies to help you foster healthy boundaries for holiday communication. Managing family dynamics does not have to be stressful. You can start with self-differentiation, and then move into addressing triangulation and establishing boundaries.
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