The New Year brings opportunity for self reflection, which often includes insights into our relationship with self, and others. Do your New Year relationship goals include deepening the emotional bond you have with your partner? At Lotus Counseling Group, our licensed marriage and family therapists use Gottman Method for couples, which is an evidence-based and research-backed therapy pioneered by Dr.s John and Julie Gottman. The Gottman Method focuses on turning toward one another during bids for connection, a tried and tested strategy for strengthening emotional connection in relationships.
The intervention of turning towards your partner comes from Gottman Methods research conducted with newlyweds. The Gottmans conducted a study using newlyweds as their focus, following up with them around the six year mark. They found a startling statistic: for the couples who stayed married, these partners were turning toward one another at least 86% of the time. The couples who divorced lagged behind through only responding to bids for connection around 33% of the time. So what is this secret intervention of turning towards one another? First, we should start with defining turning towards and how it relates to bids for connection in your relationship.
<h3>What Does “Turning Towards” Mean?</h3>
When we turn towards our partner, we respond to their bid for connection in a meaningful way. A bid for connection is anytime our partner reaches out to us in the hope they receive a positive connection in response, such as verbal validation, affirmation, love, or physical reassurance. When our partner reaches out to us using a bid for connection, we can either turn towards, away, or against them. Turning towards in relationships is a way to create a culture of emotional safety.
But what exactly do Gottman bids for connection look like? Here are 3 real-life examples to help you understand how these work to build trust with your partner. Remember that the goal is to always turn towards your partner, but knowing what turning away and turning against look like will help you identify and rid your relationship of these unhelpful moments.
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