At this point, you might be wondering how to use Emotion-Focused Therapy exercises in your own relationship. Emotional awareness can easily be intertwined into meaningful Valentine’s Day ideas, or even part of your routines as a couple. Read on for strategies focused on couples’ emotional connection and awareness.
Mindful Check-Ins
Set intentional weekly time to check-in on one another’s needs in the relationship. Having some structure to these mindful check-ins can offer a way to use the bulk of your energy toward having meaningful connection, rather than trying to plan the how-tos of the conversation. Some questions to consider:
- What is the best day for us to connect?
- How long would we each like these check-ins to last?
- How often do we want these conversations to take place?
- Where is the best place for us to connect?
- What language do we want to use if we feel the conversation getting off track, or emotionally escalating?
- Do we want to start with a self-soothing activity, or set an intention for each check-in?
- Can we commit to showing up to these conversations from a curious and non-judgmental standpoint?
Expressing Vulnerability Through Small Gestures
Simple, small gestures are a wonderful way to build strong emotional intimacy in the relationship. Valentine’s Day anxiety might show up as worries of not doing “enough” to impress our partner, or concerns that maybe our gestures are not grand compared to others.
Ask yourself, “When was the last time I intentionally showed vulnerability to my partner?” The simpler and smaller the gesture, the easier it will be to rope into routines. For example, a short handwritten note, a heartfelt text, or using one of your abilities to create something for them (i.e. a writer might jot down a short poem, or a baker might make their partner’s favorite treat).
Planning a Meaningful Experience Rooted in Emotional Awareness
Valentine’s Day sometimes encourages a focus on material gifts, however, re-focusing on your emotional bond as a couple can be just as meaningful (if not more so). Creating experiences rooted in emotional awareness might take some creativity, but it doesn’t have to be difficult. There are many structured strategies for strengthening your emotional bond if it seems intimidating:
- Plan a conversation-focused date night such as sharing memories of when you’ve felt most connected in the relationship. A quick online search will show there are many intimacy-based conversation decks available for couples to explore this strategy.
- Engage in an appreciation ritual, where you each write down positive personality traits with examples of when your partner embodied that trait most.
- An EFT-based couples exercise, such as each partner sharing a recent emotional experience and the support you needed, can be a way to build intimacy and plan for supporting one another better throughout life transitions.
A Valentine’s Day Rooted in Emotional Connection
Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be about performative romance and you have the power to refocus the holiday on deepening the emotional bond with your partner. Deepening emotional awareness and attunement to your partner builds lasting emotional security in the relationship. Identifying your negative interaction cycle can help you make plans to interrupt the negative dance through coming from a place of curiosity about one another’s needs.
By now, you’ve picked up that the secret to emotionally fulfilling relationships is incorporating small, simple moments of connection into daily and weekly routines. EFT and romantic connection compliment one another well, with both having a focus on building stronger intimacy. Remember that our Lotus therapists are familiar with practicing emotion-focused principles and you can always bring questions into session. Our Lotus Family wishes you a very connected Valentine’s Day with your loved ones.
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