June is time to focus on men’s mental health. If you are a man, this might mean reflecting on your own mental health and the mental health of important men around you – friends, family, and chosen family alike. You might check in with the men in your life, reflect on what this month means to you, or use this month to reduce stigma for the men in your life. This blog will focus on barriers to care, healthy ways to cope, and gentle encouragement for men (and their loved ones) to prioritize emotional well-being.
Understanding the Barriers Men Face in Seeking Support
There are multiple obstacles facing the prioritization of men’s mental health care in our society. From cultural messaging and socialization to additional family dynamics which might be at play, seeking mental health care as a man is no easy task.
Cultural Stigma and Toxic Masculinity Norms
If you’ve ever heard “boys don’t cry” or “be a man about it”, you’ve witnessed the crushing nature of toxic masculinity. Toxic masculinity is dangerous because it puts all men into a small box of characteristics and traits which are not authentic to all men. We all play a part in the creation or re-framing of what it means to “be a man” in our culture. If you hear or see toxic masculinity, it is within your power to do or say something about it. This is how we create change in our culture.
Stigma Around Mental Health
Men might feel ashamed to seek mental health care for fear of being labeled as “weak”, due to societal messaging of men as always having to be “strong” or “provide”. This feeling is amplified in communities with men of color, where resilience is seen as a fixed attribute without room for flexibility.
Practical Barriers
Barriers which may affect access to mental health care might include cost or limited time off of work. Although these factors generally also affect women, it may feel harder as a man to ask for time off from work to attend therapy.
Emotional Literacy
Women are typically socialized to identify and understand their emotions, as well as communicate them from a young age. Our culture does not always encourage young men to do the same. This leads to men feeling confused about what emotions they are feeling and unsure of how to healthily communicate their feelings to partners, families, and friends. Sometimes this leads to isolation, anger, and numbing of emotions.
Validating Your Experiences as a Man
If you are reading this as a man who is experiencing any of the feelings discussed above, please know you are not alone. I have worked with many male clients individually, in couples, and in family units who struggle to identify and communicate their emotions to others. This is not a personal failure, but rather a societal and systemic failure to create space for men to explore and validate their emotional experiences. Therapy can help you learn more about how to identify, process, and communicate your emotions to loved ones.
Healthy Coping Strategies & Support Pathways from a Systems Perspective
Our society tends to focus on solving mental health issues as an individual problem. Men, in particular, are susceptible to falling into the trap of believing that they must face their depression or anxiety alone. However, we can also understand caring for our emotional health from a relational perspective.
Just as the problem of toxic masculinity is rooted within systemic and interpersonal failures, our solutions to providing mental health care to men can come from strengthening relationships. Unspoken roles or rules, generational expectations, and emotional disconnection are all forms of how systemic failures breed the lack of support for men.
Reframing Strength: From Stoicism to Secure Connection
Secure emotional connection is a buffer for mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, or burnout. Although the culture of toxic masculinity encourages emotional stoicism to represent resilience, building secure emotional connection with others is a form of relational resilience. We call secure emotional connections in relationships “having secure attachment” with others.
When men have secure attachment with their partners, friends, and children, they feel safe to show up authentically and sensitively in their relationships. This might look like the willingness to comfort children when they’re scared, verbalize love to their partner, or share insecurities with other male friends.
Secure Attachment Practices
As a man reading this blog, you may wonder about practical strategies for building emotional safety in relationships. Loved ones may also wonder about creating space to supply emotional safety for the men in their lives. Here are some relational interventions for practicing secure attachment for yourself or loved ones:
Practical Strategies for Men
- Foster curiosity about the current relationships you have with other men in your life. Who do you currently feel safe enough to share insecurities with? If no one, what male friends do you imagine you could strengthen relationships with to begin building secure attachment?
- Journal about the men in your life who you consider role models of “what it means to be a man”. Consider their characteristics and traits you admire. Allow yourself to expand your journaling to include yourself and what you learned within your family system about the expectations placed on your role as a man.
- Try watching television without the sound on to see if you can guess what emotions the characters might be experiencing. Do your best to tune into non-verbals such as facial expressions, hand gestures, or eye contact. Recognizing non-verbals is an important step in building emotional intelligence.
- Practice identifying your emotions throughout the day. Tune into any physical cues that might give you clues into your emotional state. Try using the template, “I notice that…” to become curious about what you might be experiencing. For example, “I notice that my shoulders are tight. I notice that my thoughts are racing. I notice that I am fidgeting a lot… I probably feel anxious.”
Practical Strategies for Loved Ones
- Explore through journaling your own beliefs about men, including expectations of their characteristics, role in a partnership or family, and your gut reactions toward men being open about their feelings and sensitivities.
- Check in on the men in your life. Make space for their emotional experiences, even if they appear outwardly stoic or expressionless.
- Challenge your own beliefs or stereotypes about masculinity. Educate yourself using resources which challenge unhelpful beliefs about masculinity, such as myths that men should not share their emotions, should “always be strong”, or must always take provider roles.
- Recognize when the men in your life are vulnerable with you. Praise them for communicating their authentic emotions in healthy ways.
Conclusion: Rewriting the Story of Men’s Strength and Resilience
June as Men’s Mental Health Month is a courageous reminder that emotional vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness. Whether you’re a man navigating mental health stigma or trying to support the men in your life as they practice communication and emotional vulnerability, this month is the perfect check-in for practical strategies which build secure attachment. Remember that healing happens in connection, not isolation. We are all responsible for challenging age-old narratives about toxic masculinity and creating space for honesty, transparency, and support in all men’s lives.
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