Bessel van der Kolk is an expert in how trauma and stress are stored and re-lived in our bodies. His ground-breaking work, The Body Keeps the Score, highlights the varied ways trauma and stress live in our bodies. His work sheds light on how stress is stored in muscle memory, posture, and even breathing patterns—not just mental and emotional symptoms. The good news is that we can engage in mind-body healing practices.
Healing trauma and stress involves listening deeply to our bodies. We can create safety through responding to our body’s signals that we are under stress. First, however, we need to reflect on our own personal warning signs that we are heading toward distress or chronic stress symptoms. Check out the lists below to see what stands out for you:
Physical Symptoms:
- Muscle tension (especially in the shoulders, neck, or jaw)
- Headaches or migraines
- Upset stomach, nausea, or digestive issues
- Fatigue or low energy
- Rapid heartbeat or chest tightness
- Changes in appetite (overeating or undereating)
- Sleep disturbances (difficulty falling or staying asleep, or oversleeping)
- Clenched jaw or teeth grinding
- Changes in menstrual cycle or sexual function
Emotional Symptoms:
- Feeling overwhelmed or out of control
- Irritability or frequent mood swings
- Anxiety, worry, or a sense of dread
- Difficulty relaxing or feeling “on edge”
- Sadness or low mood
- Feeling disconnected or numb
- Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
- Feeling easily triggered or reactive
Mental Symptoms:
- Racing thoughts or difficulty slowing down the mind
- Trouble concentrating or staying focused
- Memory lapses or forgetfulness
- Indecisiveness or overthinking
- Negative self-talk or harsh inner criticism
- Catastrophic thinking (“What if everything goes wrong?”)
- Increased mental fatigue or brain fog
- Difficulty problem-solving or organizing tasks
Relational Symptoms:
- Increased irritability or conflict in close relationships
- Withdrawing from social connection or isolating from loved ones
- Difficulty communicating thoughts or emotions clearly
- Feeling emotionally unavailable or shut down with others
- Less patience or empathy in interactions
- Overdependence on a partner or loved one for regulation
- Avoiding intimacy or closeness due to emotional exhaustion
- Struggling to set or maintain boundaries
- Misinterpreting others’ intentions or becoming easily defensive
- Feeling disconnected even when spending time with others
You’re Not Meant to Carry It Alone
Healing from stress is about learning to respond rather than react. Healing from stress is as much a somatic, whole-body experience as it is a mental and emotional experience. Again, our bodies actually are not broken when they react to stress triggers. They are actually wired to work this way and we can honor their jobs by responding to our body’s warning signs for stress overload. Although self-regulation is a great coping skill for healing from stress, we are also not meant to carry stress alone and co-regulation is another option for healing. You deserve quiet moments of connection to self, as well as moments where you feel connected and safe with others.
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